The Craw

Don't Do It!

In a recent article on the lack of good marriageable men, Kay S. Hymowitz says of the overgrown teenagers that pass for men today:

Women put up with him for a while, but then in fear and disgust either give up on any idea of a husband and kids or just go to a sperm bank and get the DNA without the troublesome man.

So, what happens in a scenario where a child is raised by a single mother? Let's look at how this works out:

• Single moms, in general, do poorly economically for a variety of reasons.
• I admit this is partially anecdotal but it would seem that a single mother who is having a child because she can't find a male partner is having a child as a substitute for a healthy relationship with an adult. Any family counselor worth their salt will tell couples they need focus on their relationship first before they deal with their children. A spouse is a life partner (proximity and intimacy-wise) and a child is not. I have observed single parent homes for many years and often the parent cannot let the child go when they reach adulthood. This is particularly pronounced when the parent is a woman and the child is a man.
• Raising children without a father (boys in particular) is destructive in a variety of ways including criminal behavior and economic success.
• The obvious conclusion that such a child would draw is that fathers are superfluous. Mom, after all, didn't need a husband.

So, rather than stepping off into a brave new world, we ought to be humble enough to listen to the wisdom of the generations that came before us. The optimal and time-tested model for bringing children into the world is an environment that has both a mother and father in a stable relationship. This has major implications for other untested models for parental formation that are currently being pushed forward.

We need to fix men before we try something else. This "fix" is another story for another day.

Tie the Knot!

In September 1989, my wife and I tied the knot. She was 21 and already employed as a court reporter and I was 23 and still trying to find myself. I had been in the service (USMC) by this point but still hadn't finished my undergrad degree and was experimenting with different careers (artist, importing/exporting, professional lecturer) which my wife graciously tolerated. But we were married and something about that dynamic is very good for men.

Recently there have been a spate of articles and books on how people aren't getting married young anymore (the average is 30 now) or not getting married at all. In addition, dudes are losing the skills necessary to get a wife and don't want to expend the effort at all with this Wall Street Journal article as an example.

Being married matures you by giving you no outs. To begin with, I want to say that although I was very poorly mentored, I believed in a Christian view of marriage that emphasizes commitment over feelings. After a few years of trying to launch my own business, I began to feel like a real schlub. My wife was out there working full-time and I was working part-time. It made me feel pretty un-manly. My wife and I discussed this and decided I needed to go back to school, finish my degree and get a career. At 26 I finished up and went into the field of education.

Within a few years I was moving up the ladder as an administrator and had enough of a career to support my wife and our soon-to come daughter. Before my oldest daughter arrived on the scene my wife was able to quit her job (a very lucrative and skilled one) and become a homemaker and I then spent a couple of years juggling our finances as we went from being DINKs (double income no kids) to being Ozzie and Harriet. And this is where I, as a man, thrived but we had to make many sacrifices. No nice new cars every few years. No eating out most of the week. No nice vacations. But we were a man and woman in full.

So, why are men acting like overgrown adolescents and not getting married? Because no one expects them to. And that includes young women. If young ladies keep going on "dates" with these overgrown apes that consist of a text-messaged invite and end with having sex with the dolt, you get the cultural effect you deserve. And if men tolerate these man-children by not calling them out, or letting them stay in their basements instead of saying, "son, time for you to go out and make your own way in the world" then we get the cultural effect we deserve. Being married and taking it seriously makes men do things they don't want to do but grows them in ways they never dreamed possible.

So the point is being married is hard. Being married costs. But being married is what is best for most men and women and society. It grows you up because you have to and it makes you take good, bold, though calculated risks because marriage itself is risky. So step up to the plate boys and be a man!

What do we do anymore?

One of the publications I subscribe to is Inc. Magazine. It often has interesting articles packed in a tight format. I like that. But it seems like all anyone does for "business" anymore is try to invent some ap based on an ap and then try to obtain VC funding for the idea so you can sell it off as quickly as possible. In addition, the advertisements tell you a lot about where we're at. Take the example posted here. You'd get the impression that all small businesses do in America is make lattes, bake scones, or grow and make organic salads.

Meanwhile, the Chinese are building things in small shops and preparing to seize our trade networks.